I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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