its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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