fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
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Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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