Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize