i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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