i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize