I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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