I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
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I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
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I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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