I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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