I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
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