Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
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I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
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You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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