he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
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There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
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Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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