Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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