I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize