I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i think i have herpe
just one?
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Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
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We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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