I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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