Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
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It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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