So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Too much gin, very little bucket
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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