In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize