My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize