Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
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I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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