Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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