he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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