Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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