Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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