We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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