I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
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I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
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Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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