Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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