Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize