I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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