Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
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I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
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That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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