I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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