He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
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The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
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Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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