omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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