She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
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you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
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I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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