One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
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She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
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That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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