Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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