YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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