I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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