have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize