so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize