theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize