Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
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the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
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The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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