that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
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well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
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I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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