It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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