hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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