so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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