i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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