I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize