He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize